Jealousy

Since from Saturday I have these uneasy feeling surrounding me. Jealousy, yes, I do know what does it means and I assured you that I am feeling it. And I HATE THAT FEELING.

Y? U asked me?

For me, It is hard to have beautiful friends when I was not a pretty myself. It is like a black rose surrounded by red and yellow roses. Like an ugly duckling standing in a group of swans. Which I will never grow up as a swan but an ugly duck forever.....

This guy I have knew and mentioned in the blog, I'd regretted to know him, Because the actual person that he want to know was not me, but Angie instead. Thank god that he admitted that to me... But y he choose me instead of everyone else? Am I easy to get the informations? Oh my~ It is hard to admitted in front of my friends, but this is the truth. I told my friend not to joke around it anymore because it will make us feel embrassed and most of all, I felt hurt in the heart meanwhile she doesn't know about it.

What the use to be happy girl all along? What the difference does it make? I can't bring myself to say it out to her whenever she mentioned the guy.

Every guys that I knew thinks Angie smiled the sweetest of all. And I cant deny that because that is y I like her too. Firstly yes, but now I felt I am being used and alone. I am only a middle man to get to know her. That is y I don like to be-friend with girls, and I hate myself for being a girl.

I am trying to be optimistic. I wanted to become a happy-go-lucky girl, just like my oldself again. But I can't whenever Angie appeared to be next to me when I was trying to talk with some guys. I knew Angie did not do that purposely. But whenever I am trying to talk to Alex she will stand next to me. So does when I am talking to Gary and Ka Ka. When I am getting into a conversation, she will interrupted me whether it is she did it purposely or not. And usually I will walked away and let them talk. She knew I like Alex, but she never knew how much it's hurt when she stands near to him. I KNOW~ it is not her fault, but it is really hurting me when both of them talking and laughing together. I KNOW I am feeling childish~ friends can talk and laugh together, but not as close as I seen them be....

I lost everything to her... My looks, my heart, everything seem like a sunshine shining brightly to the earth meanwhile I am just a sky without a single star to brighten the earth. I KNOW this is wrong.. I have been ridiculous. I have been thinking alot this few days, and I have make myself cried because of these. I can't help myself. We've been friends since I entered this company. The longer I knew about her, the gap between us grew bigger. My best friend said to me, "No matter how she will going to do it purposely or not, u just did great with your own job. Do your best, no matter wat everybody thinks!"

N he did a great job to encourage me like that, don't you think so? ^^