Trying to Avoid

Since from Wednesday, I am trying to avoid all the calls n sms I received. I didnt answer anyone's calls, as I find myself not feeling want to talk to them anymore~
But that Jimmy Teh, keep calling everyday, from day to nite, jus want me to answer the phone, but I keep insisting I don want to answer him. We had nothing to talk anyway, it just a bit chit chat~

I oso don understand, last time when we still dated each other, he never call me like this. Although he move to Klang, but he still trying to avoid to call me always. Now when we were friends, y he keep calling me? Last time, I spend all my money for my phone, but now he willingly to call me each time. I do not understand~

But the one I want to see to appear in my phone did not call me or sms me. When I am online, I put myself to "Appear Offline" mode, n I did saw him there. I wanted so much to talk to him, but I get hold of myself, n just sit here until he offline at last. Even I change my place to write my blog! I dont want him to know that I got online, and update my blog but didnt chat with him earlier on.

I am torturing myself. I oso do not know why I did that to myself. I want to know how much he cares about me. At least that little bit of feeling of care for me oso enof~ But no, he didnt.

I oso do not know what I want from him, n I also donno wat am I waiting for? Me n him have no more, n that is da truth~ But I cannot bear it... Although I told him that I didnt mind to become friends and to forgive him, but still in the end, I am the one who cannot let it down. I am sad, really sad~

Y he need to treat me this way?
Y I didnt accept him at the first place b4 he went to Singapore?
N y he play with my feelings?
What he had promised me is jus like a blank paper. He promised me he will be his best to become my bf, but y he want to break tat promise?
I really really regret I didnt accept his offer at the 1st place, bcos I scare I will hurt him, n I also scare that we cannot even be friends~

I cannot help to stop thinking this way~ It is not his faults. He oso don want to be that way~ and I need to stop thinking about him~ oh god~ please don play me again.. I cannot bear anymore if the same thing happens again~ My heart, for real will break into pieces.. I do not dare to love anyone anymore~